how to become the person you want to be

Becoming the person you always wanted to be can be a process but it doesn’t have to be complicated or confusing.

I will show you how in this easy to follow & comprehensive guide.  You’ll learn step by step how to:

  • Let go of what is not you.
  • Get to know your true self.
  • Go after your big dreams.
  • Set goals.
  • Identify your core values.
  • Create a plan.

And so much more!

Before you begin, be sure click the image below to download and print the following guide for all the steps and tips on how to become the person you want to be:

When it comes to changing anything in my life, I like to keep it as simple as possible.

I don’t like feeling overwhelmed and I’m sure you don’t either.

The first part of this guide contains the 3 powerful steps to becoming who you want to be.

The second part contains my personal tips for success on the road to becoming the person you always wanted to be.

3 powerful steps to become the person you always wanted to be.

1. Let go of the things that are not you.

The first step in becoming the person you want to be is to make a list of the things that are not you and then let them go.

These things could be material things, habits, or even people.

I think that this is the best place to start to become the person you want to be because subtracting can be simpler than adding something to your life.

Even the most well-intentioned advice can make your life feel more complicated if you’re not ready for it.

With that said, some things are easier to let go of than others, like material things that you accumulated over the years that no longer suit your needs or lifestyle.

For example, it’s easier to let go of a gym membership that you’re not using regularly than a person who has been in your life but is not supporting you.

On the flip side, it’s harder to let go of certain things like beliefs, ideas, and relationships.

For example, it can be hard to let go of bitter feelings you harbor toward someone because it validates & justifies your feelings, thoughts, and behavior.

I would start by auditing your life.  Write down all of the things you think you can let go of.

These are the things that you don’t really need, don’t fit your lifestyle, and don’t support you in any way.

Then rank the items in your list from easiest to hardest to let go of.

Next, start at the top of your list and work your way down.

Finally, I suggest keeping a journal of how it feels to let go of the things that you don’t need anymore or identify with.

When it comes to the more difficult things to let go of, ask yourself what it is that you’re really feeling.

You might need to do a little digging into your emotions about why you’re holding on to these things.

If you find that you still can’t let go, it’s okay. You don’t have to eliminate something just to get it off your to-do list.

You can always take your time until you’re ready to let go and move on, or even ask someone to help you out.

2. Figure out who you are and what you really want.

The second step in becoming who you want to be is to figure out who you are and what you really want.

You can do this by getting to know yourself first.

Getting to know who you are can also help you if you don’t know what to do with your life, you’re at a point where you feel lost, or you feel stuck in a rut.

Knowing your true self can help you unlock your unique gifts & talents and align you with work you truly love to do.

When you are doing something you truly love, it makes life feel more meaningful and fulfilling.

This doesn’t mean that you are going to get paid for doing what you love.

You might not even get recognition for it. But this kind of work is its own reward.

You are paid internally through good feelings and a sense of belonging in the world.

When you find something you love, you’ll know what you really want to do and who you want to be, regardless of if you’re getting paid for it or not.

I found that one of the best ways to know yourself is through self-reflection and self-inquiry.

You can get to know yourself better by answering the following prompts.


I. What is my identity?

It’s important to know your identity because it can help you understand a lot about yourself, like how you think & act.

One simple and easy way to find your identity is to make a list of what you like and dislike.

Other ways to discover your identity are making lists of the following:

  • Where you were born, where you grew up, where you went to school, and where you currently live.
  • Your parents, the people who helped raise you, your caregivers.
  • Your job, the people you work with, the place where you work.
  • Friends, people you like to hang out with, groups you belong to.
  • Hobbies, interests, and talents.

II. What do I love to do?

Write down the things you truly love to do even if you weren’t getting paid for it.

Not only could it help you know yourself better, but it can also align you with work you would love to do.

Here are some examples:

  • mentoring young people
  • working in a hospital
  • coaching a sports team
  • being a motivational speaker
  • making pottery
  • gardening

III. What are my strengths?

Your strengths are the things that you’re really good at.  It can be something you excel at like sports, writing, or organizing.

Here are some other examples of strengths:

  • Networking, making friends, & socializing
  • Working alone, taking initiative, being analytical
  • Speaking in public, organizing groups of people
  • Expressing yourself, speaking your mind
  • Nurturing others, listening, healing
  • Mathematics, science, technology
  • Art, sports, music

IV. What are my weaknesses?

Your weaknesses are the areas you don’t excel at. For example, you’re not great at managing your time, or work that requires a lot of detail.

You need to be aware of your weakest areas because you can either try to improve them or you can figure out how you can outsource them.

You don’t want to waste your time or energy on doing something that you think you should be good at or something you would rather not do.

V. What makes me happy?

Finding what makes you happy can help you know yourself better and even help you feel good and live longer, according to a study.

To find out what makes you happy, make a list of things that bring you joy, gratitude, meaning, connection, purpose, and love.

Here are some examples:

  • Reading
  • Journaling
  • Shopping
  • Going out with friends
  • Hiking
  • Camping
  • Swimming
  • Video games
  • Playing the violin
  • Sketching
  • Singing

V. What are my values?

Your values are the things that you care about the most.

Knowing your values is important because they help you make decisions, set priorities, and stay focused.

They help guide you on the road to being the person you want to be.

Here are some examples of my own personal core values: family, health, authenticity, creativity, community, financial freedom, and kindness.

Here’s a table of examples of values. See if there are any that resonate with you.

Social JusticeLoyaltySecurityReligionHumor

VII. What are my core beliefs?

Your core beliefs are how you perceive the world and they can affect your personality, behavior, and how you think.

They’re also formed from the time you’re born and are influenced by who you are in proximity with and what you’re exposed to.

For example, the people who raised you, where you grew up, friends, work, religion, social circle, social media, news, books, and ideas can influence your beliefs.

Identifying your personal core beliefs can help you know yourself on a deeper level and become the person you want to be.

Look at the table below for ideas and if you don’t resonate with any, you can write down your own personal beliefs.

DreamingMeaningful workTeam workBeing positive
Showing respectSelf-sufficiencyIncremental changeSpeaking your mind
Open communicationHaving disciplineBeing in the momentFollowing your heart
Trusting in the processStaying fitTaking risksGetting enough rest
Higher powerSelf-sufficiencySelf-careEating for nourishment

VIII. What are my limiting beliefs?

A limiting belief is something you believe about yourself that holds you back and prevents you from taking action.

The following is a list of limiting beliefs.  Make a note of any that resonate with you.

If you don’t see one you can relate to, write down your own limiting beliefs.

  • I am not an expert.
  • No one will listen to me.
  • People will not like me.
  • I need to wait for the perfect time.
  • My work is not good enough.
  • Everyone will judge me.

We all have limiting beliefs and they’re often what holds us back from the person we want to be.

You may not even be aware that you have a limiting belief.

Once you recognize it, you can let it go and adopt one that resonates with you and feels empowering.

IX. What is my purpose?

Your purpose is your big reason why.  It’s the basis for your actions, thoughts, and behaviors.

You can have multiple purposes in life and never get paid for a single one.  What you receive back is not measured by a physical currency, though.

You are compensated by how satisfied, contented, fulfilled, and resilient you feel when you are living your purpose.

Your purpose can give your life more meaning and help you through difficult times.

Just like life, the road to being who you want to be will have ups and downs.

To weather them, you’ll need a strong purpose to stay the course.

To find your purpose, write down the thing, or things, you love doing the most and would do even if you weren’t getting paid for it.

X. What do I stand for?

What are you willing to fight and give up everything for?

This is not an easy question to answer and I myself have struggled with it.

Knowing what you stand for is knowing your higher purpose and believing in something bigger than yourself.

For example, you want to join the Peace Corps to fight climate change and save the planet.

It’s important to at least think about what you stand for because it gives life purpose and meaning.

It can also help you stick to your morals and beliefs when they’re being challenged.

If we didn’t know what we stood for, our lives would feel less meaningful and our beliefs would waiver at the slightest opposition.

XI. What are my roadblocks?

Your roadblocks are the obstacles that might get in the way of becoming the person you always wanted to be.

It can be a limiting belief, like the section I mentioned earlier on limiting beliefs.

Or it can be something else that gets in your way, such as not having enough money or resources.

It’s important to identify your roadblocks so you can be aware of them and prepare yourself for when you eventually come across them.

3. Take action and go after your biggest dreams and goals.

“A dream is just a dream until you put a deadline on it.” -The Answer, by Allan and Barbara Pease

The third and last step in becoming the person you want to be is to take action and go after your biggest dreams and goals.

I will be straight with you, becoming the person you want can be a marathon rather than a sprint.

Sometimes it’s because of the limiting beliefs we place on ourselves.

It’s not your fault that you have your beliefs or think & feel the way you do right now.

But at some point, you have to take responsibility for everything that has happened to you.

You don’t have to live the rest of your life with a victim mentality.  You want to be a victor instead.

You can take charge of your life right now and go after your biggest dreams and goals.

In the book, “We should all be millionaires”, the author Rachel Rodgers, suggests making a list of our “Big Hairy Audacious Goals”, or BHAG.

She said we tend to go after our biggest goals and dreams because they spark joy and excitement inside of us.

While small, practical goals are fine and necessary, they don’t exactly evoke the same degree of emotion as a BHAG.

So visualize the life you always dreamed of.  Make a list of your biggest dreams and goals.

Then break them down into smaller, more digestible goals.

Remember to set an end date for your goals and celebrate your wins along the way.

“Rinse and repeat” this 3-step formula over and over again until you become the person you truly want to be.

10 tips for success in becoming who you always wanted to be.

The second part of this guide contains my tips for success in becoming who you want to be.

These are tips that I’ve learned on my personal journey of becoming the person that I am today.

The reason why I didn’t put these in the 3-step portion is you can use any one of them at any point during your journey.

Oftentimes, one tip will be more useful to you than the others and you will vacillate between them, depending on where you are in life.

1. Take action.

This is probably the most important step because you can’t be the person you want to be without taking action.

One way to take action without feeling like you’re taking on too much at once is to take baby steps.

Think of just one easy thing you can do right away that is not way outside of your comfort zone.

For example, you can wear that shirt you love so much that’s been hanging in your closet but were too scared to wear.

Keep taking baby steps until you can make bigger steps toward the person you want to be.

2. Step out of your comfort zone. 

If you’re not the person you want to be yet and you need to change your life, you can try stepping out of your comfort zone.

As I mentioned in the first tip, you don’t have to take a huge leap. You can start with baby steps.

This can help you grow into the person you want to be in small increments, which can add up over time.

3. Be consistent.

Consistency is one of the keys to success when it comes to being the person you want to be.

It can be harder in practice than in theory, especially when things get challenging or mundane.

It’s times like these that you can lean on your purpose or your big reason why.

Remembering the reason why you want to become the person you were meant to be can help you stay consistent and carry you through those tough times.

4. Don’t focus on results.

Focus on the process instead of the outcome.  This can be applied to anything in life.

You don’t want to get caught up in a results-oriented mindset and forget to learn from the process.

Remember to look for lessons and insights along the way.

There’s always an opportunity to learn and grow on your journey to being the person you want to be.

5. Set a daily intention.

An intention is a desire or wish that you would like to bring to fruition.

It brings them into your consciousness and gives them momentum so you’re more likely to take action and pursue your goals.

6. Listen to your intuition.

Your intuition is your gut feeling. Listening to it can guide you to your authentic self, which is what you ultimately want to be.

Sometimes there is no logical reasoning when it comes to your intuition.

You just know when something feels right or wrong to you.

7. Love yourself.

To become the person you want to be, you first need to love yourself in the present moment, not who you will become in the future.

If you don’t think you deserve love right now, it can be hard to love yourself for who you are, no matter how successful you become.

You can learn how to love yourself more by accepting yourself right now.

The more you accept yourself, the more you approve of yourself.

The more you approve of yourself, the less likely you are to seek approval from others.

8. Embrace imperfection.

If you want to be the person you were meant to be, you need to embrace imperfection.

You need to accept all of yourself, the good and the bad.

The beauty of embracing imperfection is you allow yourself to fail, accept your flaws, and see your mistakes as learning opportunities.

9. Try meditation.

You learn a lot about yourself from practicing meditation.

You can meditate in a quiet place or practice mindful meditation while you go about your daily life.

Meditation can help you get in touch with your spiritual self.

It can guide you to what you truly want in life so you can become the person you truly were meant to be.

10. Ask for help.

If you think you might need help figuring out who you want to be, don’t be afraid to ask.

Other people might be your best resource and even know you better than you know yourself.

They can help you see yourself in a way that might not be obvious to you.

What it means to be the person you want to be.

Being the person you want to be is being true to yourself.

It means setting goals that are meaningful and important to you, regardless of if you achieve them or not.

It means doing things you love even if other people think they’re strange.

It means living the life you always wanted.

Why it’s important to become the person you want to be.

It’s important to become your authentic self because you have talents that no one else has and you can use them to your advantage.

Even if being your true self exposes your true nature, it can give you a sense of security and belonging that no one else can give to you or take away from you.

Who I used to be.

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a doctor.  When I found out how hard it would be, I didn’t pursue it but I regretted it.

Instead, I decided to do something that felt safer and more comfortable.

So I chose to be a dental hygienist. It fit all the criteria that I thought would help me live the best life I could possibly choose for myself.

Then after a while, it didn’t.  I became bored and started living on autopilot.

I couldn’t admit it to myself because I was hanging on to the person I thought I wanted to be.

I justified not figuring out who I wanted to be by how much time and money I already invested in myself.

Then I had several health challenges that made me reexamine my life.

It made me realize that I wasn’t living the life I truly wanted.  I wasn’t the person that I really wanted to be.

This is why I shared my story, my guide, and my tips for success in becoming the person you want to be.

I know what it’s like to live a life that doesn’t feel meaningful or authentic to you.

I hope you are able to use my tips on becoming your own person and living a life that feels authentic to you.

If you want to learn more, check out the next section on more ways to become the person you really want to be.

More ways to become the person you want to be.

Here are some other helpful articles to help you become who you really want to be.

Check out this guide, 9 ways to find your true identity and discover who you are, if you want to know about what makes up your identity, how to find your true identity, and more!

I also have a couple of guides on self-discovery and self-awareness.

If you like to journal, then check out 85 self-discovery questions and printable that will help you get to know yourself in different areas of your life.

If you want to know yourself better by becoming more self-aware, you can read the article, 71 questions to ask yourself to increase self-awareness.

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