We all have flaws and make mistakes, yet perfection is something that we all want to strive for. I mean, who doesn’t want to look, act, think, or speak flawlessly?
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
Steve Maraboli
I completely get why perfection is desirable. When you look around you, society constantly praises and rewards perfection. The people who get the most attention and success look perfect, e.g. celebrities, pop stars, and influencers.
These people have hundreds and millions of adoring fans and followers on social media and around the world. They seem to lead perfect and happy lives. So it’s natural to desire perfection and associate it with success.
You have to be careful about the facade of perfection, however. If it was your main goal, you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.
What Perfection Can Do To You.
Perfection is exhausting.
“It’s exhausting and even unhealthy to constantly pursue perfection.” – Izey Victoria Odiase
Here are some ways perfection can be exhausting:
- Constantly criticizing yourself.
- Doubting yourself.
- Comparing yourself to others.
- Afraid of what others might think.
- Fear of failure.
- Setting a high bar for yourself.
- Procrastination because you want everything to be perfect first.
When I was in high school, an acquaintance of mine told me I dressed nasty and my hair looked nasty too. I was hurt and it caught me off guard because I was dressed almost exactly like her and I thought my hair looked fine.
After she said that, I became very self conscious of how I looked in public. I made sure every day that I didn’t look “nasty” because I was afraid someone else would tell me the same thing.
I’d straighten my hair, do my makeup, and try on different outfits so I looked perfect before I would head out the door. I did this well into my adult years and still do to this day.
What has changed between high school and now? My mindset. Through mindfulness meditation, I learned to embrace my imperfections and accept myself for who I am.
It’s not easy embracing your imperfections and can be downright painful sometimes, but it’s even more exhausting and painful to constantly strive for perfection.
This can cause people to doubt their abilities if they can’t attain that perfection. Then it becomes a tiresome, self-perpetuating cycle.
Perfection can be limiting.
“There’s scientific evidence for the satisficer over the maximizer. Those who just get it done will generally be happier with the outcome and will be able to be more effective than those who try to maximize every decision and they hold off on it until they have the maximal amount of information.” David Tian, Ph.D
I remember taking an English class in high school one summer. We had a paper due and I didn’t have time to polish it yet.
Someone who sat next to me asked if he could read it and I said no. I was afraid he’d think I was a terrible writer.
I could tell by his indignant reply that he thought I had snubbed or rejected him. My desire to look perfect to him blinded the fact that he was probably reaching out to me for help.
Perfection can limit you if it’s always the object of desire. You might miss an opportunity to grow as a person and create connections with others.
Perfection can be unhealthy.
“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.” – Drake
Having a drive to achieve and succeed is fine. But if the drive stems from anxiety and self-esteem issues, then perfectionism becomes a problem.
Studies have shown that perfectionists have a higher risk of anxiety & eating disorders and depression.
If you’re constantly nitpicking at yourself, you prevent yourself from enjoying the experiences that life has to offer because perfectionism distorts thinking and perception of what’s real.
Why Embracing Imperfection Makes You Stronger.
“A certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.” – Haruki Murakami
It feels liberating.
If you look around you, nothing is perfect, not even Mother Nature. Anomalies exist everywhere, in plants, in animals, and in minerals. Therefore, it’s totally natural to be imperfect.
There is comfort in imperfection because being a human means you are an imperfect being. Imagine if you lived in a world where everyone looked and did everything absolutely perfectly.
I don’t know about you, but I think it would either bore me to tears, drive me nuts or both.
Embracing your imperfection means accepting what is unique about you. From the way you look right down to the way you think.The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can feel liberated.
Imperfection is beautiful.
Let’s take the concept of kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting back together broken pieces of pottery with gold.
The idea is to create something stronger and more beautiful than the original. When we embrace all of our scars and wounds, we create opportunity for integrating and making making ourselves whole.
If we apply this to real life situations, embracing all parts of ourselves can lead to something more resilient, beautiful, and relatable.
We feel more connected to others.
Being imperfect is being real.
It is fundamentally human to be flawed and takes some inner strength to show vulnerability.
Once we can be more comfortable with our imperfections, we can feel more connected to other people and have more satisfying social lives.
Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt uneasy? When you opened up and got to know them better, you shared stories, even the not so perfect ones.
You discover that you have more in common than you initially thought because you both have said the wrong things to others, forgotten your significant other’s birthday, stutter when you’re nervous, and have gone through painful breakups.
7 WAYS TO EMBRACE IMPERFECTION
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous, than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe
It takes time, patience, and a willingness to change to let go of perfectionism and embrace imperfection. Here are some ways that I embrace imperfection and still practice to this day.
Practice mindfulness.
If I had to choose one thing to help you embrace imperfection, it would be to practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness can help you confront difficult thoughts and emotions in the present moment. It can help you process and understand why you’re thinking, feeling, and acting a certain way.
When my perfectionist mindset surfaces, e.g. when I self-criticize, compare myself to others, or feel insecure, I allow the thoughts and feelings to surface rather than push them down.
By allowing them to flow through me, I reinforce the idea that my mistakes, flaws, and imperfections are perfectly okay because they are a part of me.
It can take just a minute, or sometimes longer, but once I’m over the hump, I usually start to feel better because the feeling or thought starts to taper and eventually goes away.
Learning to embrace imperfections through mindfulness can take a while, so be sure to give yourself lots of grace and compassion if you decide to use this technique.
Change your perception.
In simple terms, your perception is how you process your world around you.
The way you perceive things creates your reality, which ultimately affects how you experience life.
Changing your perception is easier said than done. Oftentimes when I’m driving and someone cuts me off, I get really angry.
In the heat of my road rage, all I can think about is how I am going to get revenge on the other person because they were so rude.
It’s only in hindsight that my perception of the event changes because I’ve calmed down. Maybe the other person had to drop off her kids and doesn’t want to be late for work for the umpteenth time.
By changing your perception, you can change your perfectionist mindset and start embracing imperfection instead.
Embrace your flaws.
Flaws are something that we all could wish away. But behind the flaws are almost always interesting stories.
If you’ve ever seen someone with a scar, you’re likely to wonder how it got there and what the story was behind it.
Flaws, whether they are physical, mental, or behavioral, are what make you unique and stand out. Embracing them helps you strengthen your self-image and self-confidence.
Let go of your limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are ideas that you perceive to be true but can hold you back in many ways.
For example, Bobby thinks he’s too old to change his career and is even fearful of the idea. This limiting belief keeps him from pursuing something that could possibly have a huge payoff and opportunity for growth.
Letting go of a limiting belief can be hard, but can also keep you from being stuck in a perfectionist mindset. You can begin to embrace imperfection by identifying and letting go of limiting beliefs.
Define your values.
Perfection can keep you stuck where you are. Knowing what your core values are can help you focus on what is important and empower you to go after what you want in life.
Your core values are the things that are most important to you. They’re also ideals and beliefs that you resonate with and are unique to you.
When you stick to your values, you’re less likely to adopt someone else’s and more likely to accept yourself for who you are.
Make more mistakes.
A problem that is synonymous with perfection is the fear of making mistakes or failing. One way to remedy this is to allow yourself to make more mistakes.
Failure can be an option if you reframe it as a learning opportunity rather than a shameful loss. The more mistakes you allow yourself to make, the more you learn from them.
The more you learn, the greater your chances of honing what you’re learning and achieving what you set out to do.
When you allow yourself to make mistakes and fail, you actually win by constantly evolving and changing into something better.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Comparison is one of the greatest thieves of joy, yet it happens all the time. We as humans do this to see how our abilities and attributes stack up against other people.
This behavior can be destructive if it causes you to feel anxious, guilty, shameful, stressed, and even depressed.
The next time you catch yourself playing the comparison game, remember that you can pick what and who you are comparing yourself to.
Sometimes you can’t avoid the thing that you’re trying to avoid and you can’t help but compare yourself to another.
So in this situation, try to take a step back and give yourself space. Then gently ask yourself, “What is behind this comparison and what do I gain from it?”
Stop self-criticism and adopt self-compassion.
If comparison is the thief of joy, then criticism is the accomplice.
Self-criticism is directing hurtful words and thoughts towards yourself.
Unchecked criticism can lead to unhealthy perfectionism. A study revealed that a form of perfectionism called maladaptive perfectionism can be linked to depression.
The study suggested that self-compassion can be the buffer to this type of perfectionism-depression link.
Perfectionism that leads to unhealthy thoughts and behaviors is an old idea that needs to be put to rest. It’s going to take time and patience to accept yourself, flaws and all.
Last thoughts on imperfection.
Just like everything else, practice makes perfect when it comes to embracing imperfection. You become stronger the more you embrace them and instill the idea that your flaws, mistakes, etc. are part of being human and are perfectly okay.
Other helpful articles on self-acceptance:
9 ways to to be content with what you have.
Gratitude Journal: tips to help you succeed.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please share your thoughts or tips on embracing imperfection.