I read in a book once that you should look in a mirror each day and say “I love you” to yourself to help you practice self-love. I tried it many times but couldn’t trigger those feelings for myself.
Self-love can look simple in theory and be harder in practice. It was hard for me at first because of the beliefs I had about self-love. I believed that loving myself was selfish and it often made me feel guilty for wanting to love myself.
Over the years, I discovered other ways to love myself that didn’t involve talking to a mirror. They helped me love myself for who I really am as well as form new beliefs about self-love.
Here are my top 10 ways to love yourself right now.
1. Get To Know Your True Self.
If you want to love yourself more, you need to start with knowing who you really are. Before I learned to love the real me, I went on a self-discovery journey.
I did this because I felt so lost and wasn’t sure who I really was beyond the labels I gave myself, like mom, wife, and dental hygienist; and what I thought I had to think, act, & present myself as, in order to please & gain the approval of others.
I discovered that there were a lot of things that I liked and didn’t like about myself; and I had to be okay with them.
By knowing everything about me, from surface things like my real favorite color; to uncomfortable things like how I really disliked the shape of my nose; I was able to understand and accept all parts of me.
Knowing the real me helped me understand, accept, and eventually love myself for who I really am.
If you’ve never been on a self-discovery journey before, here are some journal prompts to help you get started:
- What doesn’t feel like work to me?
- What lights me up inside?
- Make makes me feel peace & calm?
- What have I always wanted to try?
- If I had no limitations, what would I do?
- What are my strengths?
- What are my weaknesses?
- Who do I admire and why?
- Where do I see myself in a year?
- What would stop me from going after what I want in life?
2. Feel Your Emotions.
I once believed that if I allowed myself to feel “bad” emotions, it made me a bad person.
I felt bad for having overly good emotions too, for fear of overshadowing or making others feel bad about themselves.
I even thought that if I replaced my bad emotions with good ones, I would be a good person and would love myself for who I really am.
Not allowing myself to feel those so called “bad” emotions or overly good ones only made me feel worse.
One day, I got fed up with all of my pent-up feelings and got the idea to feel all of my emotions instead of pushing them down to numb myself.
By doing this, I learned that emotions don’t define who we are and we can manage them no matter how intense they feel inside of us.
When you allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, no matter how good or bad they are, you validate them. This helps you process, understand, and ultimately accept them for what they are.
You understand that they don’t dictate you or define who you are as a person and learn to manage them so they don’t control you. When you feel your emotions fully, you start loving yourself for who you really are.
3. Accept Yourself Where You Are Right Now.
For the longest time thought that I had to look & act a certain way to be accepted by others so I could accept myself for who I really was.
I thought that if I could just mold myself into how I thought others would like me, then they couldn’t help but love me.
Guess what, that day never came. In fact, I think it did the opposite and pushed other people away.
When it comes to loving yourself, you don’t have to wait until you have the perfect body, face, partner, job, friends, personality, or salary to love yourself.
If you did, you will wait a very long time. Accepting yourself where you are right now is key to loving yourself.
4. Live In The Present Moment.
As a working mom, I lived my life on autopilot for over a decade. It was my way of dealing with the daily grind of being a parent and breadwinner.
Because of this, I started a meditation practice. It helped me become more present for myself, my family and those around me.
To live in the present moment is to be more aware of how you think, feel, and act in the world. It allows you to cultivate kindness & compassion by being present with what is.
Ultimately, it allows you to accept yourself and your circumstances for what they are and love yourself unconditionally.
5. Change Your Beliefs About Self-Love.
I used to think that self-love was selfish and would feel guilty for even thinking about it. I learned that it is not selfish at all.
In fact, it is already a part of you and all you have to do is remove the layers that are hiding it. You do this by changing your beliefs about self-love.
Here’s how I was able to do it:
- Start with self-awareness. Allow yourself to think and feel all of your thoughts & emotions.
- Understand where the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are coming from.
- Accept & embrace all of your thoughts & emotions, even the so-called bad ones.
- Start loving yourself unconditionally.
6. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others.
I read a quote somewhere that said comparison is the thief of joy. I also think that it’s the thief of self-love.
When I see, or I’m in the presence of, someone who I think is richer, prettier, smarter, or funnier than me, I feel inferior to them.
When I think someone is not as well off, pretty, smart or funny as me, I feel superior to them.
This used to bother me a lot because comparing myself to other people made me feel guilty, jealous, inadequate, and insecure.
It’s hard to stop comparing yourself to others because unless you cut yourself off from the rest of the world, you’re probably going to compare yourself to others whether you realize it or not.
So instead, you can minimize the things that cause you to compare yourself to others, like giving yourself a break from social media or some alone time.
Or, you can validate yourself by allowing your thoughts & feelings to come up when you start comparing yourself to others and embracing them like a mother would with her child.
7. Face Your Shadows.
I’m almost embarrassed to say, but once upon a time, I didn’t like myself very much and would bend over backwards just to gain the approval of others.
I would say yes to people, even though I meant no, so they could like me. I tried to sound witty or funny because I thought it would impress other people. I would act bubbly, talkative, and outgoing, even though it wasn’t my personality, to be with the in crowd.
Facing my shadows helped me overcome this need to gain approval from other people.
It allowed me to face the parts of me I didn’t like and expose the sides of myself that I kept hidden inside and away from others.
By bringing to light the things I didn’t like about and kept hidden from myself, I understood why I was doing these things.
I accepted the ugly and bad sides of myself, along with all the good things about me. Because of this, I didn’t need validation from others as much as I used to and I was able to love myself for who I really am.
8. Embrace Imperfection.
I wish I could look perfect all the time, but it only makes me feel miserable, takes a lot of work, and is something I can never truly achieve it.
This is why embracing your imperfections is a great way to practice self-love because it allows you to accept yourself for who you really are, flaws and all.
One way to embrace your imperfections is to define your core values and core beliefs. I believe that they keep you anchored to the things that are most important to you if & when you are faced with the need to be perfect.
By staying true to your core values & beliefs, you’re less likely to be trapped by the idea that you have to be perfect to be loved and more likely to embrace your own imperfections.
Here are a few examples of core values and core beliefs:
- Creativity
- Authenticity
- Inner Peace
- Education
- Spending money wisely
- Quality family time
- Living a simple life
- Conserving natural resources
Once you’ve defined your top values and beliefs, start putting them into practice to help you embrace your imperfections and love yourself more each day.
9. Boost Your Confidence.
At one point in my life, I thought that positive affirmations were the best way to boost my self-confidence. By saying them to myself every day, I thought it would boost my confidence and make me love myself more.
They actually made me feel worse because the feelings were temporary, they masked the “bad” feelings underneath, and they didn’t really boost my self-confidence.
I found that the best way to boost your self-confidence was through awareness, acceptance, and creating small, meaningful goals.
Awareness of your thoughts and feelings helps you understand them and accept them for what they are. Aligning your beliefs & values with with small, meaningful goals helps you feel validated when you’re able to accomplish them.
This helps you boost your confidence in a way that feels more authentic & meaningful and love yourself for who you really are.
10. Count Your Joy.
Joy was something that I thought was reserved for children or special occasions. I was very wrong.
I found that joy can be done as a daily practice by counting the things that make you feel joyful as you go about your day. When you start counting your joy, you actually boost your mood and start looking for more joyful things in your life.
I created more joy in my life through the simple act of listing joyful moments and then seeking more moments of joy throughout my day because of it. Joy can spark other positive emotions like love, playfulness, and bliss.
This is what Barbara Fredrickson calls the broaden and build theory. Positive emotions like joy can spark the urge to engage in activities that broaden a person’s mindset.
For example, joy sparks the urge to play, interest sparks the urge to explore, contentment sparks the urge to savour & integrate, and love sparks a recurring cycle of each of these urges within safe, close relationships.
Embracing joy is a great way to practice self-love because it feels good and reinforces the things that you genuinely care about and are important to you.
To start embracing joy, start a journal, and write down 3 things that made you feel joyful each day. After a week, go back over what you wrote and observe how you feel.
Last Thoughts On Loving Yourself.
Practicing self-love is more than gifts for yourself and Friday night bubble baths. It’s about knowing your true self, being in the present moment, embracing your imperfections, and counting your joy. When you give yourself more love like this, treating yourself won’t come with a layer of guilt, and saying “I love you” to a mirror will feel authentic. I hope you found these self-love tips helpful! When was the last time you practiced self-love? Please share in the comments below!
More Ways To Practice Self-Love:
If you’ve ever wondered why love feels hard to receive, check out this post: Why you feel like you don’t deserve love.
